During this unprecedented time of staying home to stay safe and keep others safe, I’ve really struggled. I’m so lucky to be working from home, with no real disruption to my job, but it’s caused a lot of emotional hardships by removing my interaction with other humans. Jake is still going to work every day, so I’m alone all but about 3 waking hours of the day. It’s taken me almost the entire month to find something that helps and to really lean into the solution. Which seems silly, because it was right in front of me.

1. Organizing my thoughts
   Even though I know sometimes what I’m thinking and feeling, often times, I find myself confused or unable to articulate to friends or Jake exactly what’s bothering me or weighing on me. By going back to my writing roots, pen to paper, journaling out my thoughts with no prompts or goal, except to just spill the words on the page, I’m able to get to the root of the feelings most of the time.
2. Remembering the end goal
   I’m working actively with the bank and the contractor to get everything finalized for our financing and to begin construction on our house. Taking the time to remember the end goal, to dwell in the feeling of being done, and to come back to the purpose for all of this is helping me to stay focused and not get burned out.
3. Lowering my anxiety
   I don’t keep it a secret that I struggle with anxiety. One of the biggest struggles for someone who is anxious is the inability to control or perceive control of a situation. Let me tell you, a global pandemic with no real end in sight is the ultimate cause of feeling a loss of control. Journaling is allowing me to voice my fears, concerns, and anxieties in a safe space and to work through them before I engage someone else. Often times it’s hard for others to understand exactly I need. It’s so helpful to be able to articulate that for them.
4. Encouraging introspection
   Journaling forces you to look inside yourself for the reasons, triggers, responses, and needs that you have. I’m able to truly come to resolutions, to leave things on the page without fear of judgement or dismissal. I’m able to be petty, impulsive, selfish, and scared all in my own right. I’m able to sit with those feelings and follow them like you would a garden root, to trace back to what’s putting off those feelings without embarrassment or censoring.
5. Giving me connection
   The most important people to me don’t often have much time to dedicate to helping me resolve the crazy. Everyone is adjusting to the new normal, Everyone is doing the best they can. Everyone is making it through with what they’ve got. However, that often times leaves me feeling left behind. By journaling out my feelings, I’m less dependent on someone to make time for me to sort things out. I feel less abandoned, I feel less alone.